It was a bad idea to go out last night. She asked last minute. I was hesitant at first but then, I thought oh what the hell just go. I feel stupid for going now. I don’t even know why I went. Ugghhhss it was an odd and rather awkward night. *sighs*
I don’t know anymore about this whole online dating thing anymore. I can talk to people via texting no problem but when it comes to in person socializing, I just become an awkward turtle. The fact that I’ve never dated/been relationship bothers me, whereas all my friends have experience in the matter. For them it is so easy for them to meet people and click instantly. What the fuck is wrong with me?
It’s a horrible feeling but I put myself in this predicament. I’m so disappointed in myself. It was supposed to be fun and relaxing night but I ruined it all for everyone. You can only apologize so much before it just sounds insincere. I can’t let this go though being the over-thinker I am. It’s been haunting me the entire day and it probably will continue to eat at me for quite some time. I couldn’t concentrate today at school cause I just kept thinking how stupid and foolish I was. I can’t help but think what my friends think of me now. I’ve disappointed my friends.
There’s nothing I can do at this point. What’s done is done? The damage is there.
Such a bad day to study. There’s so many distractions. For once, vancity is nice out and the sun is out. I want to go outside. It’s UMF wknd 1 and I’m streaming it, waiting for skrilly/dillonfrancis/zedd.
Yaysss, it is one of those shitty nights when depressing thoughts slowly eats you and you start crying.
Words cannot explain what an amazing night it was last night. Seeing Morgan Page, Hardwell and Above & Beyond live for the first time has made such a great start to the new year. I loved every moment =]
Sometimes I feel I should dress more girly (i.e. pretty dresses, skirts, tops, etc.) but then I think (a) it’ll cost too much to change my entire wardrobe, (b) I won’t look good and look super awkward, (c) nahhss too much work and effort.
Then, I realize that’s just not me. Give me sneakers, skinnies, t-shirt, flannel/plaid, hoodie and a beanie and I’m a happy camper. :)
I had a dream this morning that I was going to be late for work and my supervisor was mad and all. Back to reality, I wake up from this horrible dream 15 minutes before my shift. I’m fucked! I called and told her I was going to be late. Now, I’m just worried about the confrontation when I get to work.
Still trying to figure it out
Wow I feel like crap. Why though? I’ve “friend zoned” other people before but why does this one feel different? It’s so weird My mind feels like a scrambled egg.
To be honest, I find it hard to believe that anybody would like me. I lack in self-confidence. I’m not as outgoing as my friends. They are always meeting new people and making new friends. And I’m just idle. I’m on the sidelines as life passes me by. I used to always feel like the odd one out among my friends. It’s a little better now since I’ve come to understand myself more over the last two years but I’m still learning.
*to be continued*
I think I may be addicted to drinking coffee. I need it everyday to start my morning, otherwise I feel really tired the rest of the day. OMG Keurig machine, it is all your fault! T__T